My life abroad
It was a sense of naïve optimism that helped me move abroad. At 21, I was ambitious, fearless, and wide-eyed enough to take my chances on starting anew overseas.
Now, I’m celebrating 10 years living as an American expat in Europe. I’ve spent most of the decade living in Prague, where I’m once again based after having moved back earlier this year.
In one way, it feels like it’s been forever since the fateful day that I flew out of the Seattle airport to start a new chapter. After all, so many things, both big and small, have happened during these years. On the other hand, though, it somehow feels like no time has passed since my university days in Eugene. It’s funny — and bittersweet — how time’s relative like that.
In the spirit of looking back on this past decade, I’ve compiled several significant areas of life in which I’ve learned a lot, changed a lot, and/or just have a lot of feelings about. For anyone thinking of moving abroad (or those simply interested in peeking into the life of an expat!), I hope you enjoy the following account of my life during the last 10 years.
Learning through doing
I’ve heard that while living abroad, one matures several times more quickly than they would while living in their home country. This process happens whether you like it or not — it’s the result of cultural differences, language barriers, and bureaucracy (more on that later), all of which are ubiquitous in the life of an expat. While they can be difficult, these forces do also have the ability to mold a person into the best version of themselves.
Decluttering my life
Going from being a maximalist to a minimalist was something that I was more or less forced into upon moving abroad. In summer of 2013, I left for my big Eurotrip with nothing but a travel backpack and a carry-on bag. It wasn’t until I had been abroad for close to five months that my mom brought some of my additional clothes from home.
Looking back on it, this was a great exercise that prompted a change in my mindset about the amount of things that I own. As a result, I’ve saved more and have found it easier to invest in things that I genuinely care about.
Travel
At this point, I’ve traveled to both the majority of countries in the EU as well as a number of amazing destinations worldwide. I’ve ridden a snowmobile in Finnish Lapland, marveled at street art in Bulgaria, volunteered on a farm in Sweden, and relaxed at one of Europe’s largest wellness centers in Romania.
I’ve spent years figuring out and refining how I like to travel, and today, I feel that I’ve gotten my personal travel style down to a science. When I’m in new places (especially by myself), some of my favorite activities include seeking out health food shops, admiring architecture, getting around on foot as much as possible, and trying out a local gym.
I’ve come to appreciate solo time in general — not only exploring new places, but also people-watching, playing piano, and reading (which has become one of my favorite pastimes). It’s hard to say whether living abroad has prompted my appreciation of spending time alone, but in any case, I feel that it helps me recharge.
Lifestyle
Since moving abroad, I’ve discovered how much I enjoy staying fit. Back in 2017, I found myself roughly 6.5 kilos (14 pounds) lighter than my 2013 self, a weight that I’ve more or less maintained since then. I absolutely feel more full of energy in my early 30s than I did in my early 20s.
I began taking fitness more seriously during 2016, when I started attending a group fitness class in Prague with a couple colleagues. The process of changing my body composition and maintaining an active lifestyle is something that I continue to prioritize. I spent a handful of years frequenting my local gym (shout out to Les Mills group fitness classes) before making the switch to exercising at home during and after Covid (thanks to MadFit for getting me started and Caroline Girvan for keeping me going).
Also, I walk nearly everywhere these days — although I (finally) got a car a few years back, I still enjoy taking strolls as much as possible. Walking is a way of life in Europe, and I adore it.
The other thing that has significantly improved my lifestyle and health was the decision to get Lasik surgery, which I had in early 2016. It was a slightly daunting procedure at the time, and looking back on it now, I’m no longer sure that I’d have the guts to go through with it — I have my former self to thank for doing so! It has been amazing to wake up and go to sleep with clear vision, not to mention ditching my contact lenses and glasses.
Quality of life
A question that I often get from friends and family is how the quality of life differs in Europe vs. the US. It’s a large topic of discussion that greatly depends on the European country in question — trying to compare life in Finland with Italy is a total apples-and-oranges situation — but there are some common denominators that stand out to me about living in the EU.
There’s a level of convenience to European cities — especially capitals. The majority of basic services (like pharmacies, shopping centers, grocery stores, and so on) are within walking distance or are easily reachable by public transport.
I’m grateful to live in a very safe capital city, too. I can go pretty much anywhere in Prague at any hour of the day, either alone or with someone else, and feel safe. I wish I could say the same about my hometown (or other US cities, for that matter), but unfortunately, this isn’t the case these days.
My career
My first job at an established company coincided with meeting my now-husband. In fact, I met M on my first day of work — what I tell all my friends now is that I thought he really disliked me upon meeting me, which has become increasingly hilarious over time while getting to know what Slovak people are like. In addition to meeting my spouse at work, I’ve built up a career within the tech landscape that I’m proud of. I’ve learned so much in the positions that I’ve held, and at the same time, I’ve been able to observe the ins and outs of European work culture.
The stories that you come across about the stark differences between American vs. European working cultures likely aren’t far from the truth. There are several objective differences that are significant: Most EU office jobs offer five or six weeks of holiday, and workers’ rights are extensive — for example, maternity leave in the Czech Republic can’t be shorter than 14 weeks and can be up to over two years (yes, really).
European (and specifically Czech) working culture is also different on subjective levels. First off, work-life balance is not only taken seriously, it’s treated as a given. Especially post-Covid, flexible working hours and hybrid/remote working has become widely accepted.
Furthermore, it isn’t uncommon to grab a beer with colleagues after work (or even during lunch); there’s less “fake nice” floating around offices and on Zoom, and the hierarchy of many EU-based companies can feel a lot more flat than that of a stereotypical US corporation. This heavily depends on the specific company and industry one is employed in, of course, but while working in tech, I’ve found that my experiences working with American vs. European colleagues are as different as night and day.
Bureaucracy
When reflecting upon what it’s like to live abroad, something that I feel isn’t sufficiently discussed is the amount of paperwork and admin that follow expats pretty much everywhere. We’re no stranger to the various bureaucratic offices and organizations across our adopted cities, and whether we like it or not, we find ourselves needing to report to these places for one reason or another at least once a year.
I’ve had my fair share of visas and residence permits over the years, some of which were significantly more difficult to obtain than others — getting my German visa was the worst, while my Finnish visa was a breeze! Even though I’m married to an EU citizen, I’m not yet one myself (and I still have a few years to go before I can become one).
I file both US and Czech taxes each year, which is a process that’s exactly as painstaking as it sounds. Through dealing with the ever-changing US tax system, I’ve learned that I was — on multiple levels — not quite an adult when I moved abroad. I never needed to file my own taxes while living in the US, so when the time came to deal with US taxes as an expat, it made things that much more complicated.
On this topic, I need to thank my husband for acting as my translator, interpreter, and general life admin fixer. Things would not be the same if I had to handle all of these tricky aspects of expat life by myself.
Planning a wedding during Covid
Our wedding was, in every sense of the word, one of the most unique experiences that I’ve ever had. It took place in March 2021, when the peak of Covid had passed in the Czech Republic but certain government measures were still in place. As a result, we had to keep things small. Both M and I had always wanted a small wedding, so our “minimony” didn’t end up being heavily influenced by Covid-related restrictions.
We got married in Prague’s beautiful Old Town Hall, which is usually a main draw for tourists (it’s the building with the famous astronomical clock on it). An unlikely silver lining of getting married during the later part of Covid in Prague was the fact that Old Town Square was entirely devoid of people. It’s likely the last first — and only — time that the city will witness such an event, at least during my lifetime.
Coming back to the topic of bureaucracy, though, the toughest detail about our wedding is that my in-laws weren’t permitted to cross the border from Slovakia to attend our ceremony given the Covid restrictions that were in place that specific week. This was undeniably a huge bummer, and it’s something that I wish that I could change to this day.
On my side, my mom jumped through countless bureaucratic hoops to attend our wedding all the way from Portland. This included getting special, written permission from the Czech government to be able to enter the country. On top of that, my mom transferred in the Amsterdam airport on her way to Prague, so we needed to obtain a waiver from the Dutch border police in order for her to pass through customs.
On top of having an intimate post-ceremony dinner with friends in Prague, we were eventually able to properly celebrate with my in-laws in a separate celebration in Slovakia a few months following the ceremony. We were also able to celebrate with my extended family in southern California in a third, fabulous get-together — having the trio of wedding-related events was a bunch of fun.
Cultural consciousness
I’ve had a longstanding relationship with learning Czech, a language spoken by over 10 million people worldwide. Two of those people, though, are my in-laws, who are non-English speakers and are very dear to me. (I should note that while my mother-in-law is Czech, my father-in-law is Slovak and speaks Slovak. Czech and Slovak are mutually intelligible; I can loosely compare how different these two languages are to American vs. Scottish English.) For native English speakers, Czech is not an easy language to pick up. Today, I remain far from being fluent, but I do celebrate small milestones in being able to express myself more comfortably here and there.
There have been plenty of embarrassing moments over the years, and each time that I need to speak in Czech for extended periods of time, I inevitably end up sounding like a fool.
Take the time that instead of saying that I would search for clothes (oblečení) for my nephew, who was soon to be born at the time, I happily declared that I would search for a face (obličej) for him. There was also the time that I offered salted cream (solený krém) to my parents-in-law so that they wouldn’t get sunburned, totally unaware that my sunscreen (opalovací krém) offer was way off. I have plenty more examples where those came from.
In any case, learning another language has taught me a real sense of humility and has made me realize how much that I’ve taken speaking a language that’s so widely spoken around the world for granted.
Despite my shortcomings, it is a never-ending adventure navigating through life in a foreign tongue. The tiniest interactions — getting a haircut, going to the dentist, or shipping off a package — transform into social experiments, and it does feel rewarding to be able to get through these with increasing ease.
Starting new traditions
I’ve found that European holidays are jam-packed with quite a few more traditions than those that I had growing up. Among European holidays, two especially stand out to me: Name days and Christmas (more specifically, central European Christmas).
Name days are like a second, slightly less significant birthday, and they’re something that most Europeans get to enjoy each year. This system works because most EU countries reference baby name calendars — these serve as a mechanism for preventing parents from giving their babies silly, “alternative” names (and thus setting them up for a life of misspellings and confusion). Here’s the Czech baby name list. (It’s important to note that requests can be made to name your child something that’s not included on the list.) As a foreigner, my name isn’t included on the Czech list, and I don’t have an official name day as a result.
Then, there’s Christmas — to date, I’ve celebrated a total of six Christmases in M’s hometown in Slovakia, and I’ve come to know and love the many traditions that come together to form Christmas in central Europe. This holiday is actually made up of three days — December 24, 25, and 26 — which largely consist of gorging oneself on traditional Christmas foods, spirits, other and special treats.
Annual Christmas highlights include my father-in-law cutting down his own tree at the family cottage, baby Jesus (Ježíšek) delivering gifts, which are opened on the evening of the 24th (the morning of the 25th is mostly designated for relaxation), and of course, watching Pelíšky.
Things I miss about the US
I love the place where I grew up, and that hasn’t changed now that I no longer live there.
I’m lucky to have taken around a dozen trips home to the US during the last decade. Each has been a deeply personal experience that brings me back to my roots — they’re weeks filled with nostalgia, visits to many spots filled with old memories and secrets, and meaningful opportunities to catch up with loved ones.
While I love visiting, I’ve also felt like more and more of a stranger in my hometown during the past handful of years. I believe it was last year that, while driving home from the PDX airport, I finally announced to my mom that I felt like a tourist upon laying eyes on Portland’s waterfront.
Reverse culture shock aside, there are certain aspects of American life that I continuously miss:
- Easy driving: The big roads, wide lanes, and spacious parking spaces that are everywhere in the US are often hard to come by in EU cities. I went through Czech driving school in 2019 (learning to drive in manual to boot), and I can say with confidence that driving in the EU is generally much more demanding than in the US. The traffic laws vary from those of the US, and it doesn’t help that most Czech drivers are, ahem, aggressive.
- My family and friends: A no-brainer. Although the number of people that I regularly keep in touch with has gradually gotten smaller over the years and a number of people have moved to different states, I still have a solid group of ties with special people who I love catching up with when I’m home. You know who you are!
- American grocery stores: One of my favorite activities to do while stateside is hang out in the grocery stores. The US simply has a greater variety (and often quality) of food compared to the majority of grocery chains in European cities. Of course, the wares at more upscale US stores like Whole Foods, New Seasons, and Market of Choice are much more luxurious than what’s available in a European supermarket, but even more regular US chains like Safeway or Trader Joe’s have a huge selection of good stuff compared to average EU grocery stores.
- My kitty: My mom flew with Aya to Europe in 2014, and she lived with me in Berlin, Prague, and Helsinki for nearly four years (she’s the most international feline that I know). Unfortunately, she and M didn’t hit it off, and despite our best efforts, she was admittedly unhappy after a couple years of living together with him. Fortunately, she’s now happier than ever — I flew with her back to Oregon in 2017, and she is now living out her golden years as the queen of my parents’ house and backyard. She’s the apple of my dad’s eye. I typically get updates on her multiple times per week from my parents.
During the past decade, I’ve grappled with experiencing big life moments from afar: I’ve missed a number of weddings, baby showers, and even memorial services. I do my best to keep up with news and trends happening in my native country, but it will never be the same as experiencing societal changes firsthand.
Do I second-guess the big decisions that I’ve made and wonder how my life might be different? Sometimes. Am I challenged by the struggles that come with being a foreigner in my adopted country? Oftentimes, yes.
Am I grateful for everything that I have and the opportunities that I’ve been given? Absolutely.
Here’s to what’s next.
